I have this recollection of pureness and happiness and it smells of thick fresh mushrooms, amber and tuberose. If I do keep thinking back on it can it come alive, rebirth itself from dilated pupils and my dilante who took off into reckless night with me every evening laughing at shadows and daring with smirks, never. to. return. Laughing at midnights and boys with their endless thigh grabbing.

We layed in thick grasses dreaming and plotting somewhere between middle earth and reality, plotting new lives, secret lives. where we'd hoped our pure hearts at the time would implode and grow pugnant flowers and of course endless lavender which we would dry and form fae rings with.

please don't forever be lost